Birthmom Drawings

Last Sunday as we were driving home from church, I asked the boys what they wanted to do the rest of the day. I was giving them several options that would be good "Sunday" activities (and would also allow me to sneak in a nap...hee hee).

Bryce said that he wanted to draw a picture for his birthmom and send it to her. He hadn't ever mentioned meeting or communicating with his birthmom yet but it was at about this age that Zack started asking too. It sounded like a great idea to me but we haven't been in contact with Bryce's birthmom since he was about 18 months old. So Bryce drew his picture, I got together a few recent photos of Bryce and our family, and we sent them off to the agency in hopes it would somehow get forwarded on to her. We included our email address and we are in hopes that we hear from Dixie soon!

Waiting Gaps

So while we're waiting to hear something from a birthmom, news comes in spurts. We'll get a slew of emails and then hear nothing for weeks. It's been several weeks since we've heard anything. At times I almost forget we are waiting which I guess is better than going crazy over it. Our case worker told us our file is requested frequently and that it's just a matter of time. Tick tock...

Meanwhile, we were so excited for our good friends who finally just got their precious little girl. Rich and Kris we are so happy for you!! We are so happy that all is going well and she has adjusted so well. I love happy endings.

Thanks Ladies

I know I've talked about this before but we live in a great place and have amazing friends that support and appreciate adoption beyond anything I've ever seen.

Last night was my friend's baby shower. She is adopting her daughter from Korea in the next couple of months after far too many months of drama and waiting. I'm so excited for her and it was so fun to celebrate this exciting event with her. There were so many women there, some from our church, some not, who were all so thrilled for Kris and this chance she has to adopt. At least 3 of us there have adopted children of our own and have been through many "painful" baby showers but adoption baby showers are different. They are full of hope and bonding. As she opened all the gifts for her daughter, I just loved how much people had thought about this little baby on the way and how they could give something that would help with transition and love and acceptance.

These ladies may not have known that they made an impact on me but I'm grateful for sensitive and open and accepting friends who are so encouraging and thoughtful especially when we're going through long drawn out adoption processes. You ladies are awesome!

Harder but Better

The first two times we adopted, adoption in general was a lot different than it is today. What a difference 5 years makes. Things now are much more open and information is shared much more freely. With our first 2 adoptions, we never heard anything until we got the phone call that we had been chosen by a birth mom. From there on, you went into planning mode and were able to somewhat organize your life. This time around, there is much more contact between birth parents and adoptive parents before, throughout, and after selection.

We are dealing with the before aspect right now. We have received several emails from birth moms. Some of them seem promising, some do not. However, each one gets your heart fluttering. Any little scrap of hope keeps your brain hopping with possibilities. The stress level increases. Once again, I'm a slave to the computer hoping for a response or instant message. This part is much harder emotionally than it was before with no contact previous to selection. However...

It's an amazing experience to have these conversations with birth moms, to open their eyes somewhat to adoption and the blessings and love that are involved in the process. Some who have no one else to confide in or turn to will initiate conversation and we feel lucky to be the ones on the other side of the conversation. Yes, we are praying that one of these situations will work out for us. But, we realize that although we sometimes feel like we have it hard, these birth parents are going through something much more difficult and we empathize with them.

The roller coaster continues. We continue to anticipate, weather, and grow through the twists and turns.

Reassurances

The other day, I was at the park with my kids and my friend's kids and I just kind of sat back on the bench and watched them all interact. My friend's youngest is 2 and it was so cute to watch Zack around him. Zack basically bailed on everything he likes to do at the park and played with Jamison the whole time. He helped him when he tripped and he made suggestions of different places to play. He asked him if he was thirsty and if he had to go potty (although he's in diapers). He held him on his lap going down the slide. For an hour he was devoted to his cute little friend. I am just constantly reassured that he is going to be a great big brother to our next baby...whenever we receive that blessing.

Slave to the Computer

I forgot how hard waiting is or maybe I knowingly blocked it out. I find myself googling like crazy to find places to post a classified or do anything I can to get us out there. We've had a couple of situations forwarded to us from friends of friends (keep them coming by the way) and we have jumped on them but have heard nothing. I was talking to my good friend Kris J, who is waiting for her baby in Korea, last night at t-ball practice and we were talking about how much harder it is if you think there is a possibility for you rather than just having no prospects at all. It makes you CRAZY. I check my email constantly...Robb is IM'ing me all the time to see if I've heard anything. I try to get my mind on other things but it just always drifts back. It makes me want to eat ice cream or go shopping...but I will abstain. In my prayers this morning, I asked Heavenly Father to please help me be patient with His timeline and where ever our baby is right now to please take care of him/her.

Baby Clothes

Last Saturday, we were coming home from an exhausting afternoon swimming at the rec center and we asked the boys what they wanted to do the rest of the evening. Zack piped right up and said, "Let's go buy some baby clothes!" We kind of chuckled and asked why we would do that. Zack said, "Because we're going to get a baby and I think it's going to be soon." (From Zack's lips to God's ears...) We asked him if he would get boy or girl clothes. He then realized we didn't know what kind to buy yet since we haven't been selected. It was so cute to see how excited he was though. He's going to be a great big brother.

Circle of Adoptive Friends

When we used to live in Idaho, it was rare that you ran into adoptive families. I don't know if it was the area we lived in or what but since we moved to Colorado, we have noticed that adoption is much more of a common occurence. And not just in the LDS community but all around. I can think of 7 or 8 families alone in my ward that have or are in the process of adopting. Some have infertility issues, some have health issues, and some just do it to do it. Whatever the reason, I feel lucky to associate with all the open and amazing families.

I'm part of an adoption support group that I try to go to when I can and we just had a get together this last Friday. The moms sat and chatted about lots of things, where we're at in the adoption process, funny things that sometimes go wrong (like our hilariously erroneous homestudy), and many other topics. The kids all played outside on the slip and slides and the trampoline and then we had a potluck lunch. What a great way to get together and strengthen each other and have my kids interact with other adopted kids and see what a positive experience it can be. I just feel very lucky to live in the area where I do where we can get the support we need as an adoptive family!

Bella

So I stopped by the Redbox tonite to see if anything looked good. There wasn't a whole lot in. I noticed a movie called Bella and from the little bit it said about it, it looked ok so I got it. It's a drama that had totally unknown characters. It's pretty slow moving but I thought the actors in it were really amazing and I love deep story lines and good acting.

You find out right in the beginning that the main girl is pregnant. Not till halfway through do you even hear the word adoption and by the end, it just surprises you how much adoption played a huge part in all these people's lives. The thing that really moved me is all the different experiences these people had in their lives separately and how it all brought them together in the end. A girl who has no desire to keep her baby becomes friends with a guy who quietly listens and then offers different choices to her and his influence changed her life. You don't see the child or even hear her name (Bella) till the last scene of the movie which was so heartwarming and bittersweet. And there I sat bawling on the couch...what a sweet sweet blessing adoption is.

What We Do

Robb
He graduated from Utah State University in 2000 with a Bachelor's Degree in Production Managment. He then took a job with a computer memory manufacturer in Boise where we lived for 6 years. During that time he took the time out to get his Masters in Business Administration. Since 2006 we have lived on the front range of Colorado. He now works for a telecommunications manufacturer as a Senior Production Planner. He loves his job and works very hard at it. The production line he is over is run in Bangkok, Thailand so he has been able to travel there a handful of times and I have been able to go with him once which was an amazing and exotic trip to take together.

Kris
I have played the violin since I was 8 and knew that's what I wanted to do "when I grew up." I graduated from BYU in 1997 with a Bachelor of Music having an emphasis in secondary education. I have taught private violin lessons on and off for the entire length of our marriage. I've also had the chance to teach a string class at a charter school here locally. I enjoyed that but the one on one connection with my students is really what I love. I've had the chance to play in 1 professional symphony and many other local and community groups. I've put that kind of commitment on hold for now as I raise my kids. I'm grateful that I am still able to teach out of my home and do what I love but still be here for my kids.

Our Story

This could be a long one but I'll try to give you the abridged version.

Robb and I married in December 1996 in the Salt Lake Temple after meeting in our mission in the Canary Islands (Spain).

I graduated from BYU in 1997 and we moved to Logan, UT where Robb finished his degree. While we were at Utah State, we decided it was time to start our family. After one unsuccessful year, we were just about to start fertility medications when I was rushed to the ER with severe pain on my right side. I thought I had appendicitis. This is when the doctors determined I had endometriosis. Endometriosis doesn't always mean the end of the road but it has proved to be a major roadblock for us.

Three years later and after surgery, myriads of other tests, and fertility medications, we felt strongly that we should look into adoption. Nine months to the day after we called for information at LDS Family Services, our first son, Zackary, was born in San Diego, CA on September 20, 2001.

We were placed with him at midnight and on the way back to my sister-in-law's we ran out of gas on I-5 and we didn't even care! We had our baby! What an amazing change to our lives that was.

When Zack was 14 months old, we decided to start the process again because we feared it would take longer the 2nd time. Well, about 9 months later we were placed with our second son, Bryce. He was born in St. George, UT on the 4th of July, 2003.

And did Zack love his new baby brother!

So we had two boys that were about 22 months apart, not exactly what we planned, but we took it and loved it. They are now such good friends (and cohorts in crime).

Sometimes adoption can be scary and people have bad experiences but both our relationships and experiences with our birthmoms were amazing. They were both very different as were both placements but we are and continue to be blown away by the strength they had to put aside their own desires for the benefit and well being of their babies. They are both unbelievable examples to us.

After about 3 years, we decided we would try some fertility treatments again. I took my first step into a fertility clinic and, I have to admit, it just never felt quite right. We went through 2 rounds of artificial insemination and I was DONE. All I felt when leaving that place was anxiety and I just new it wasn't right. In the next few months, both Robb and I had a few experiences that both led us back to adopting again. We prayed about it separately and the night we prayed about it together was so powerful. There was no doubt in our minds this is what Heavenly Father wanted for our family. Our boys were so excited when we told them we were going to adopt again. They can't wait to give loves to their new baby brother or sister.

So here we are, paperwork done for the third time, and waiting on our next little tyke. We are so grateful for the family God has created for us through adoption. I'm so grateful that Robb and I were able to find each other and that we are both so passionate about building our family this way. We feel the Lord has blessed our lives immensely and feel honored to give these little babies an eternal family to be with forever.

Here We Go Again

I decided to start a blog dedicated to our third adoption. It will be more of a journal as we wait and anticipate and also another resource for birthparents to access us and to learn a little more about us.

I was talking with a friend the other day about a 20/20 episode I just watched about a birthmom and her process of interviewing 5 adoptive couples and how she chose one. I felt like I was going through our 1st and 2nd adoptions again and was reminded of the intense emotions you feel, the fervent prayers that take over your life, and the desire to just know what to say and know what is going to happen. Infertility is a struggle but so is the adoption process...just a different kind. Now that we are to the waiting stage again, all these emotions are flooding back. You wish there was some way to bypass all of it to just get your baby but it is impossible to discount all a birthmom goes through and the spiritual experiences that happen in between. Bittersweet is such an understatement.